I couldn't mull things over very well. My brain, almost always whirring at top speed, had somehow ceased working. I felt isolated from my friends as though an invisible barrier had wrapped around me. I knew now how Harry Potter felt when his godfather, Sirius Black, had died, because I was experiencing the same exact thing. Never had I felt this much agony as I lay there in bed for days, refusing food every time the kind older woman offered it.
"Honey, the only way you are going to feel better is if you start eating! Food fixes everything," she said quietly.
But at that moment, Marie the geek burst in and countered for my defense. "Not when you are going through a time like Vicky's," she protested shrilly.
The woman ignored her. "Dear, they are holding his...er..." She choked on the words and looked at me. "His funeral," she finished carefully.
"I knew he was dead!" I wailed, burying my face in the pillow. "I've known it all this time..."
"Vicky, control yourself," Caroline hissed half heartedly.
"I CAN'T!" I screeched, my heart wrenched with pain and grief. "If I hadn't agreed to his suggestion..."
"He would've done it anyway! Nick was a risk taker, always was. He was protecting us!" yelled Marie over my choking sobs. "Now, stop crying and eat some. You're getting thinner by the minute." Then her eyes twinkled. "Maybe we could go run afterwards?"
I nodded slowly as I chewed up some soft mac-n-chesse. It tasted like lead and was terribly difficult to swallow. Finally, I finished it and got slowly to my feet, following my two friends out of the room and into the yard. Marie was casting looks over at Caroline and I glared at them.
"What are you two on about?"
"Well, we've been thinking," Caroline began.
"Don't you ever," I snapped venomously.
Caroline ignored me and continued, "How about we take defense lessons?"
I nearly choked on the price of wood I was gnawing. "And what good would that do?"
"All the good in the world, Vicky," Marie replied, her hands working furiously at her sweater vest. "We will start them tomorrow, no exceptions. Ms. Widow is paying for it-"
"What a fit last name for a little old woman!" I snarled loudly.
"Shut up, Vicky, she can hear you!" hissed Caroline, standing up. "Now, let's go to bed. Its been a hard week." She turned around and walked swiftly back inside with Marie on her heels. But I sat there, gazing over the hedges were Nick had lost his life just a few days ago. Because of me, and because of my trust of him. And because of my trust in him, he had died.
How could I live on with myself?
[To be continued! I hope you liked it!]