Because of My Past (Chapter Three)

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You may be wondering why our parents weren't with us. I guess it's time to tell you. Marie and Caroline become my friends after both their parents were divorced. Marie's parents were robbed blind of money and they decided to ship Marie to my hometown. Caroline's parents were dead from a horrid car crash when she was an infant, and then she also moved to my neighborhood. We went to a school called Song More Middle School, then it shut down. We've been out of school for a week, which was desvasting because we lived there. Now we lived at Ms. Widow's. As for me?

My parents died ten years apart. Exactly ten years apart. One from a death sentence, another from a heart attack. I've lived with my friends ever since in the school, at least before it closed.

I stared rigidly at my friends. "Guys, let's start our lessons tonight."

"I'm glad you're feeling better,  Victoria," said Ms. Widow. I grinned softly, but then she continued with, "When you return, I want you to tell me what happened that night." I refused to let her remark beat down my spirits, and I arrived shortly at the karate place.

As soon as I entered the place, a young boy about my age greeted us. I felt my face grow hot as I glanced upon his soft features as he said, "Y'all must be Victoria-Elizabeth, Marie-Mary and Caroline! Come in, come in." I had no ideas how he knew Marie's second name, let alone mine.

"H-hi," I choked, not daring to look at the boy's young face.

"Who are you?" Marie asked politely. She wasn't blushing, because she rarely did.

"Harry Potter," snapped a sarcastic voice behind the boy.

The boy glanced at another teenager with his pale eyes. "Shut up, Alex." Then he turned to us with a twisted frown on his face. "I'm Sensei Francis' assistant, Romulus. Strange name, eh?" Then Romulus walked off slowly onto a black, thick mat in the center of the room. Caroline snorted and nudged me pointedly.

For the first time, I witnessed Marie blushing. She was glancing hard at Alex. I knew, no matter how geeky or good or teachers' pet Marie was, that she liked the "bad boys". I guess she was willing to mingle with a person who was her exact opposite. To my surprise, Alex noticed and stepped quietly over to my bold friend and extended a hand.

" I'm Alex," he introduced himself, red all over. Marie returned with her name and blushed more.

Suddenly, I became angry, but did not show it.

"Today," came Francis' voice,"You can greet our new students. Tomorrow we will continue training."

A bustle of six teenagers hit my ears. I met a blond girl named Delilah, a black eyed boy called Harry, and a red haired boy dubbed Arthur. Then came Alex, Ryan, and Romulus. All of them were nice, but all of them looked fit to kill and defend. I was impressed by this.

Then Alex darted over to Marie and engaged her in conversation. Caroline was pursued and gossiped with mby Delilah, but I stood alone. Everyone wanted to talk to my friends, not to me. As I was thinking this, Outside the Fire by Garth Brooks came over the radio and I felt stronger, somehow.

But then came Romulus, and he looked straight at me. I went hot as he dashed over. "What?" I said timidly.

"Look outside."

I did, and what I saw made me scream.


[Do you like it?]

asked Oct 19, 2016 in Fiction by GemHeart (128,510 points)


3 Answers

0 votes
Gem, I don't mean to be rude or nitpick but I think you could make your plot a bit more believable. I also think you need to bring some more spirit into your writing. Last of all, edi know you are aiming for a cliffhanger but when you leave out so many details it makes me more annoyed than excited. That's just my opinion. Thanks for understanding!
answered Oct 20, 2016 by ❤️GryffindorGal❤️ (96,920 points)
Cmon. My writing isn't as good lately because of grief. Someone in my family died and I'm struggling with school. I won't be on for a while..
I know (that you won't be on), and I don't know what's going on at home unless you tell me, so don't jump on me!
~Has calmed down from this commet~ Thanks for sharing your view. I'll try to make this story better soon
0 votes
Yeah
answered Oct 20, 2016 by ~ececgem~ (3,800 points)
0 votes
do more plz
answered Dec 4, 2016 by (Taurus) SweetieGem (14,760 points)

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