KidzTalk

The White Outs chapter 2

+6 votes
99 views
asked Dec 4, 2016 in Books / General by (Taurus) SweetieGem (22,190 points)
Zeke put my bike in is truck bed and we where off to pick up my friends from there houses. When we picked up Violet, Nick, and Abby we went to Mary's house so they can get there bikes just in case we need to go on a tiny trail. While driving we found a trail of yellow glitter Mary said she keeps it in her pocket so we need to go on bikes. We followed the trail then we took a break. The Violet said," We should go." I could see fear in her face, but when I saw a man holding a gun I was frozen. "Kids go I will distract him while you run as fast as you can." I knew what he was doing he wanted to protect us. Then Mary said to Zeke, "plz be careful." Then I heard him say, "GO!" Then we all ran for our lives then I heard a sheirk of terror I knew what happened I stopped Mary from going back. Mary was crying because her brother Zeke... wait I see the old man on the ground and Zeke coming. "Zekes alive Mary look!" She looked and ran to him and she had tears of joy now. We ran for our lives because we saw another man coming but  we saw Zeke falling behind then I saw a bullet hole in his side so he got hit then he killed the old man. "Zeke you...*whites out* sees Mary's sister tied to a chair and trying to yell but nobody hears. "Where is she." *wakes up* Mary trying to wake me then she said, " What happened Marie."

                  

                                               To be continued

if there is any errors in my writing just comment. If you want more just like or comment


2 Answers

0 votes
answered Jun 18, 2017 by Pokemonmaster
Hi! I can help you with punctuation and spelling! Seems like you need it
+1 vote
answered Dec 5, 2016 by ❤️GryffindorGal❤️ (116,920 points)
The whole thing basically is a copy of my story
commented Dec 5, 2016 by rae (87,410 points)
exactly! at least if you're going to write, use accurate punctuation and not saying "things like *walks over to a chair*". that just makes it more difficult to read and to comprehend.

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