KidzTalk

this is my first attempt at play lay writing so please don't shoot down my ideas but please critique as well

+6 votes
85 views
asked Dec 23, 2016 in Writing Contests by kitten 5678
Scene one

 [Young girl in her school uniform walks on stage]

Young girl: come on Alex!!!!!! We’ll be late for school if you don’t hurry up.

Alex: fine. I’m coming, carmen.

Carmen: Finally! I might be late for honors E  nglish if we don’t hurry up.

Alex: Relax. Some of us are okay with getting there at the same time as everybody else. [pause] You’re such a nerd carmen

Carmen: am not!!!!! I’m smarter than you at least.

Alex: you did not just go there.

[overlapping arguing]

Scene two

 

Carmen: you know Elizabeth, sometimes I wish I were an only child.

Elizabeth: I don’t.

[Alex rides past on a skate board]

[Elizabeth nearly faints]]

Carmen: why in the world do you like him again?

Elizabeth: well so many reasons there is….

[Is halted abruptly by carmen]

Carmen: well nearly all of those are fake.

[vaguely punk girl walks up.]

Punk girl: What up peoples!!!

Elizabeth: hey jade. Will you please tell Carmen that she is wrong about her brother?

Jade: I would but, then I would be lying.

Carmen: thank you.

[the girls walk to class]


2 Answers

0 votes
answered Dec 24, 2016 by Dancer727 (23,070 points)
 
Best answer
Great job! However, when Carmen says she is going to be late to her HONORS English class, that doesn't quite make sense because Alex would already know that. Try- Carmen: Finally! I'll be late for English if we don’t hurry up.You know how [Mrs/Ms/Mr Teachers name] gets mad if we're not on time because it's an honors class.
 And Alex is a little brother, right?
commented Dec 27, 2016 by kitten5678
I probably should have put this in but they are twins. this is also only a part of it.
0 votes
answered Dec 24, 2016 by ❤️GryffindorGal❤️ (116,860 points)
Not bad but I don't really understand the plot of this. I mean, what's the point? Also, punctuation and capitalization are needed.
commented Dec 30, 2016 by L (77,000 points)
The plot of this is Carmen needs to find a way to get to her HONORS English class on time.

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