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Rise Of The Wolves: Chapter One

+16 votes
160 views
asked Oct 4, 2018 in Fiction by LunaLight (113,710 points)

It was dark. Luna looked around and saw nothing but internal shadows all around her. Suddenly a eerie light showed before her. Reluctantly, she walked over to it. After gazing at it for a moment she touched it. Bad idea. The light burned. Luna tried to pull away but she couldn't. The light was drawing her in. She opened her eyes with alarm. It was all a dream. Or was it? She could not tell.

  "Luna? My little pup? Time for breakfast!" barked Luna's mom. "Coming mother," said Luna. Luna walked outside her den. It seemed eerily quite (which the wolves in her den never were). "What is going on? Where is papa?" Luna said.

  "Um Luna, my dear puppy?" said her mom. "Yes mother?" replied Luna. "This will be hard to understand, but..." Luna's mom was crying. "Don't cry mom it will be okay," interrupted Luna. "Luna, papa has... passed," Luna looked at her mom with horror. "No.No no no no no!" Luna cried. "That can't be!" "Yes. i'm afraid it is. I'm sorry to have to tell you this," Luna's mother whimpered. "How? How did he... die?" said Luna. "We aren't sure, some of our hunters found him in the woods deeply wounded beyond repair," replied Luna's mom.


That is chapter one of my new series "Rise of the Wolves". At any time you can comment me with feedback or ideas. I will post the next chapter soon. Here is chapter two:

Rise of the Wolves: Chapter 2



3 Answers

+1 vote
answered Oct 5, 2018 by Queeny
 
Best answer
I like it. To me, personally, character reactions are very important. Depending on how they react to a problem, it helps me better connect to the character. Luna seems deeply saddened by the death of her father, so I'm guessing they were close.

Sorry for such a long comment, but I definitely want to read more of your story!
+1 vote
answered Oct 4, 2018 by knight
Hi! Good job! This was a good story and I would love to see you continue it! Have a great day!
commented Oct 4, 2018 by LunaLight (113,710 points)
thanks!
commented Oct 5, 2018 by knight
I loved the plot and everything. Good job again!:-)
+1 vote
answered Oct 4, 2018 by -GEMHeart- (287,320 points)
Good! I would like it to be a bit longer. Reminds me a bit of my old series, RatKind. Perhaps you would like to check it out.

https://www.kidzsearch.com/questions/30027/ratkind-prologue

https://www.kidzsearch.com/questions/30119/ratkind-chapter-one?show=30119#q30119

 

Enjoy and I enjoyed your story.
commented Oct 4, 2018 by LunaLight (113,710 points)
ok i will read it

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