Happiness is an illusion to keep you from the truth.
I spun my eyes around the room.
Asia was dead, it was confirmed. My hope- Lucas's hope, all of it was gone. She's died before, the only difference is, she's not coming back. I had no hope now but moving on. Moving on from hope, moving on to the truth.
Lucas was affected, I could see his pain, it was burning through him. Without her, to him, there was no purpose to live. He sat there in pure anger, sadness, and regret. Toby blames us, and Lucas blames himself. I mean, he thinks if they would have never met, he wouldn't have enjoyed her comfort, but he wouldn't have to feel guilt, pain, and anger and others could enjoy her comfort.
Toby was gone, not dead, but gone. Willow and Hazyl had kicked him out. I looked at Lucas with sympathy, but I knew he didn't need that, he needed hope. Hope is what keeps life going. "Lucas," I quietly said. "What do you want?" he said, aggravated.
"I just want to know if-if you're okay," I nervously enough said.
"Do you THINK I'm OKAY?!" He blurted out. I could tell Lucas needed time to calm down, he isn't usually like this. But as the angry kid, I am, I continued to start a fight. "I JUST WANT TO KNOW! Is that NOT OKAY?! JUST WANTING TO KNOW?!" I yelled loudly.
He laid there silent.
"I just...don't want to talk…give me time to think for once…" Lucas held his knees.
"I'm sorry Lucas, but I don't want you to go and be mad at me like that, it's annoying!"
"You're so self-centered," he whispered.
"ME?! I'M SELF-CENTERED?! YOU ACT LIKE I WASN'T THE ONE THAT JUST ASKED YOU IF YOU WERE OKAY!"
"It's just that you don't care if others die, you're just emotionless!"
"Oh, it's not like I wanted to DIE after Ace's death, it's not like I thought about it all day! And Asia, I just want it to be a LIE! But I'm trying to move on!" I argued once more, but Lucas seemed to be the one emotionless about the argument.
He didn't respond, he just stayed in the position he was in before.
Hungry, I had headed out of the room to find food and cool off. I saw Willow and Hazyl cooking soup, which I wanted to eat badly. I went over to Willow to ask her for some, or when it was ready. It boiled and smelled good.
Tom is so self-centered.
He doesn't care about death, he doesn't care if people die. He only cares about himself. He forgets things so easily, even a friend's death. How can he not care about Asia, Willow, Wren, Hazyl? It seems he's just in this for himself, not for whoever dies.
I held my knees tighter by each thought that passed my mind. I thought of Asia's warm smile, her face hitting the sun. Her yellow eyes shining in the sun. Her black hair swooshing in the warm air as she walked.
But that was all taken away. Because of me.
Maybe Toby's right, I am the reason Asia's dead. I am the reason. I am the reason. I have no purpose, if Asia's alive then I do, but without I'm useless. I feel useless. I am useless. Handison will never feel love, no, he'll never feel love. He takes it away to make people suffer like him. He makes his tears fall into someone else, so he can feel strong; but all he is weak.
Handison reminds me of Tom.
Tom? Love? Takes it from others? Sounds like him. Tom never gets attached to someone, his mistakes end lives and he suffers for it, or he should suffer for it. But it's going to get better, it will get better…it always gets better.
I questioned myself on that truthful thought. I never did cry when people died, I symbolized crying as weak. As I'm weak. But Asia's dead, when I was suppose to be the one to protect her too. I feel like I'm a failure, but what's done is done.
I saw Tom looking at the soup, so it seemed he was hungry.
"Hey, um, you want some?" I questioned him. "Oh, yeah, yeah, sure." I looked at the boiling pot of vegetable soup, and had taken a wooden bowl, then pouring the steaming soup in the bowl with a ladle.
"Thanks," Tom swiped the hot soup away from me.
"Enjoy," I quietly said, as he sat down and sipping on his soup. I then decided to see Hazyl, leaving Tom alone.
A/N: Sorry if it's short!