Okay, well main thing is I literally lost a few brains cells reading all of that but good for you and your new sib. But also, I tried killing myself two times, lost distance to my family, I felt lonely and the only person to lean on was myself. If you kill yourself, I know I cannot provide in my heart to forgive you. And you did in third grade? Look, my first attempt was in fourth when I was nine. Depression got to me really bad at that age. Really bad, I was going to do it, nothing matters. When i was ten i attempted again, a few months before i started KS, crazy ain't it?