KidzTalk
+5 votes
34 views
in Fiction by (34k points)
edited by

"Adalyn! Wake up, now! Stop faking it!", I awake to the screaming of my older sister, Abbie.

I slowly sit up, but Abbie is still screaming in my face."Ok, stop. I'm awake. What did I miss?"

"THAT!"

"What?" I'm confused.

Abbie is silent and urges me to listen. RING! RING!"Thats the phone, go grab it!", I tell her."No, but it's the hospital! They keep calling, but I haven't picked up!"

I sigh."I'm not allowed to use the phone, you get it."Abbie walks slowly to the kitchen counter, and gingerly picks up the phone. I go into another room and try to process this whole day.

"Adalyn.Come here right now."Abbie calls. Except there's something wrong with her voice. She sounds scared. I walk into the kitchen. Her face is chalk-white, and her eyes are alarmed.

"Abbie?What is it"?

"Kiesha. She has cancer".Abbie's voice sounds like a candle about to flicker and die. I'm numb. It's as if the world was taken off it's axis and turned upside down two million times before being put down again. Maybe thats why I'm numb. Because when the earth was put back, it was put a little more slanted on it's axis, and it's still turning around the sun. Everything's wrong. And I can't feel it.

 



1 Answer

+1 vote
by (118k points)
It's good! The only thing is the spaces. It's confusing me a little.
0
by (34k points)
I don't really get what people mean by spaces.Is it the paragraphs?Knight star told me that she was getting confused because there were no spaces.And now the spaces are confusing?
0
by (118k points)

It's just that on some sentences there are no spaces. For example ""Adalyn.Come here right now."Abbie calls.Except there's something wrong with her voice..."

0
by (34k points)
Oh.You mean like, in between the punctuation and the start of the sentence?
0
by (118k points)
Yes
0
by (34k points)
Kay. Fixed it.

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