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The WRATH of Securly chapter 1

+7 votes
asked Nov 24, 2019 in Fiction by Snickerdoodles

(This is my first series that's not based on the events or characters of a video game!boogieIf you wan't to have this at full experience, click on this Music )

A grand warrior was battleing a super Villain in a dark hallway."Face it Michaetos! You'll never stop me!" said the badgauy. "I may not Raefel, but I will still fight to my last breath! IT'S NOT OVER TILL IT'S OVER! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" said Michaetos. "Boys, it's time for dinner!" said a female voice. the brothers ran inside. (There was a foreshadow in there, and no, they will not fight. it was just something Michaetos said.) the mother put down the babo steak and the blue milk. "there is something we need to talk about." said the mother. "your father won't be able to come home this month. he's out with the military fighting the Rebel Securly people. they were hired as a  security, but betrayed." "Mom, will they attack us?" Said Raefel. The mother replied: "probably not dear. this is a very small town." Just then, they heard the sounds of a shuttle landing. meanwhile outside, A shuttle came down onto the're planet. on the side it said: Securly://. it came with others. they opened up to see an army of robots. the main one had the robots, but also a person in armor. it wore a mask and had an arm blaster on the left hand (cool detail, this person is left handed) and an arm sword on the right. In an alian language a lot of you will know, it said: " LOCKBAY HEMTAY LLAAY " The Robots replied with a series of beeps. then they set out into the village. Raefel wen't outside to see what was happening. A robot blasted at him. at first, nothing happened. then, chains popped out of the ground and grabbed his hands. A box surrounded him that said:

Page Blocked!

This page has been blocked

Michaetos looked out the window this whole time to see that happen. he was shocked. he ran inside and grabbed one of his father's old laser rifle and laser sword. even with no idea how to use them, he ran out and tried to sneak his way out of the village. he ran into a forest and hid behind a tree. he saw that one of the shuttles was open, and no one was in it. he dashed inside and locked the door. a gun blast almost hit him in the face. he ducked. "what do you think you are doing?" said a female voice. "Please don't block meh!" cried Michaetos. "oh, so your against them. sorry I almost murdered you." Hiding behind a chair was a girl, about his age. "My name is Bria." (artist girl, this is you!) "Do you know how to operate this thing!?!" said Micheatos. "EXCUSE YOU!" screamed Bria " I SAID MEH NEM! YA BETTA TELL MEH YOURS!!!!!!!!!!" "sorry sorry. my name is Michaetos. Now, do you know how to operate this thing?" "No. I was just hiding in here." "well now what?" "I'll just go see if I can learn the basics." She pushed a single button, and the ship flew out of the planet. she found a steering wheel and used that. The person with the cool armor saw one of the ships fly away. A robot asked a beep. "ONAY TIAY ROBABLYPAY EEDNAY EPARSRAY. ODAY OTNAY TTACKAAY."


To be continued.................

(whatdya think?) 

commented Nov 25, 2019 by SnickerDoodles
The armor person speaks Pig latin! Lol
commented Nov 25, 2019 by SnickerDoodles
Use my #SecurlySucks
commented Nov 25, 2019 by LunaLight (88,240 points)
Nice alien language, couldn't figure it out in a million years *light sarcasm*

2 Answers

0 votes
answered Nov 24, 2019 by Kitten (539,560 points)
Best answer
0 votes
answered Nov 25, 2019 by LunaLight (88,240 points)
I like the story so far, it seems pretty cool. I think maybe using a bit of detail to explain what things look like a bit more would help give the readers a picture of what everything looks like.
commented Nov 28, 2019 by SnickerDoodles
Sorry. Michaetos is an older brother, let's say sixthgrader, and Raefel is a 3rd grader. they live in a small town. the badguy in the armor looks like a classic knight, but the helmet looks like the one of a queen in a game of chess. the knight has the visor down.  the beginning scene was just a troll and just the brothers fighting. sorry i wasn't specific. i'll try to do better.
commented Nov 28, 2019 by LunaLight (88,240 points)
That would be great, but other than that, good story so far!

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