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Awesome Space Kitten’s Writing Contest: My entry (so far)

+6 votes
18 views
asked Apr 7 in A Dose of Coral by CoralSophie08 (20,650 points)

I started working on an entry for Awesome Space Kitten’s writing competition. I haven’t finished yet, but here’s what I have so far. Any critique? In the answers.

 

The Day my Locker Sucked me Inside

By Monkeymad60 The Day I got Stuck in my Locker

By Monkeymad60 

    NORMAL lockers don’t suck people inside a different world. Of course, in my 7th grade year, I HAD to get a locker that did that. Just my luck.

    Let’s backtrack. First day of 7th grade. I just got my locker assignment, locker 301. It took me a full 3 minutes to find it, our school is huge for no apparent reason. We only have 500 kids here. 

     Anyways, after I finally found my locker, I put in the code and open it up. Inside, it looked exactly like a normal locker. I put my stuff inside and go on with my day. After the next period, I go out to my locker again to put away some homework. But when I open it up, all my stuff is gone. Missing. Absent. I immediately go to the main office inform the principal calmly about the situation.

     I barge into her office and shout, “My stuff is MISSING!!!!! ALL OF IT!!!!!” “Alright, alright, stop yelling,” The principal, Ms. Williams, says. “Mr. Sallows, can you explain why you have bulldozed into my room SCREAMING when you should have been in class? I am very busy at this time.” I follow her gaze to her lap, where she has her phone out and is playing a mobile game. 

     I take a deep breath. “Ms. Williams, this morning I received my locker assignment. After class I went out to my locker and put my stuff inside. After  2nd period, I go back out to my locker, only to find that ALL MY STUFF IS MISSING!!!! Someone STOLE IT.” 

     “Mr. Sallows-,”

     “Stop calling me Mister!”

     “-I’m sure there is a clearly logical reason for why your belongings are missing from your locker. Maybe you didn’t lock it, and the things fell out. Someone might’ve taken them to the lost and found.”

      I scoff. Ms. Williams could be as blind as a bat sometimes. 

      “Ms. Williams, hasn’t it come to your attention that there have been lockers BROKEN INTO in the past year? But no one ever knew how, because the locker would be in perfect shape after the stuff would go missing.”

      “There have only been two locker break-ins like that, and they happened in the same locker: 301. I’m sure you just misplaced-“

       “MY LOCKER IS LOCKER 301!!!!!!!” I scream, leaning my body over the desk to get closer to Ms. Williams.

       “Mr. Sallows, PLEASE stop screaming in my face. Get out of my office and collect a tardy pass from the secretary. I will send an email about this to your parents right this instant.” She pulls out her computer and starts typing. I slam the office door on my way out.

       “In trouble again, James?” The secretary, Mrs. Olsen, asks. 

       “Just frustrated.”

       “Well, be sure to focus in your classes.” She scribbles a note on a piece of paper and gives it to me. 

       As I leave, I hear the principal’s office door open. “Karen, do you know how to beat level 24? I’ve been playing all day and can’t get past it.”

       After the school day is over, I open my locker once again. Still nothing. I stick my head inside, trying to get a closer look, when the door suddenly slams closed, pushing my whole body inside. 

        Great, I think, I’m stuck in a locker at the end of a school day. How could this get any worse? I’m about to hit my head on the back of the locker in frustration, when I realize there IS no back. I stumble backwards, trying to catch myself along the wall but there isn’t one. When I finally regain my balance, I look up and see a murky, gray sky. Like the color of light gray rocks. I realize, I’m going to be late for dinner. 

         I get up and start walking around. This world has a range of beautiful dead bushes. Dry, sandy dirt layers the ground, with weeds scattered around. You can tell this part is abandoned. As I continue walking, I see a small hut up ahead. As I get closer, I see it is painted with all sorts of greens and blues and yellows. This person really wants to spruce up the terrain, apparently. 

         As I walk up the front steps, about to knock on the door, it flings open. “Admiral! Oh, Admiral, I knew you’d-wait, you’re not Admiral.” I look up and see this large woman frowning down upon me. She must be 10 feet tall, wearing a REALLY vibrant fuchsia dress and white leggings. “U-uum, hi?” I said, staring up at her in awe. 

        “What’re you doing on my front porch? Come inside, it’s freezing out.” It was actually sweltering hot, but I figured she wanted some company.

        As I walk inside, I look around. There is a LOT of clutter. Backpacks, books, homework... wait a minute! “Umm, ma’am? That’s my backpack there.” 

        “It is, isn’t it?” She says, sarcastically. “Are you... James M. Sallows?”

        “Y-yes, I am,” I said. This giant of a woman is really intimidating. 

         “Then I guess you can have it back. These backpacks and books randomly appear from thin air, so of COURSE I had to collect them. With King Merton reigning, nobody is opening up their shops anymore, so I take what I can.”

          “Who’s King Merton?”

          “Oh, dear, SURELY you know,” She says, towering over me, “He’s been ruling for YEARS now. He’s well into his 90’s,”

           “Also, uh, who are YOU?” I said, nervously twiddling my thumbs. 

           “Oh, where are my manners? My name is Olive Happerhops, and I live in the outskirts of the Arcadian Empire. Right now is a stressful time, for when King Merton turned 80, he fell into a stubborn illness. When he was finally healed, he started giving his men crazy orders. Kill the Queen, done. Kill the servants, done. Fetch me a hundred donuts, now THAT was hard. What even are donuts?” Olive asks.

          “They’re these- Oh, nevermind. Tell me more about this empire. What’s happened now? Why does this empire look so isolated?” I asked.

         “Well, about a year or so ago, King Merton decided it would be fun to kill of the townspeople. Soon, there were only a few left. The king’s men managed to convince the king to not kill off everyone, but still, everyone is too scared to leave their houses. It’s like, quarantine or something.” 

        “Thank you for this-uh, Lovely chat. I’m going to go see what I can do.” I got up and pushed the chair in. “Wait- James, was it?” Olive said, “I’ll come with  you. The world out there is too dangerous for a little person like you.”

                I grimace. “Uh, acctually, I can do just fine on my own, thanks.”

           “Don’t be daft! Gather your things, we’ll leave right away.” 

                I reluctantly gather my things. If this woman is coming along, so be it. I’ll be bound to lose her at one point or another.    *end for now*

 

So, Funny story: I thought up the title of the story, and went from there. I know, this defies the laws of writing, but it was too good a title to pass up!



2 Answers

0 votes
answered Apr 8 by human
That story is really good! Well done!
0 votes
answered Apr 7 by forgxtten_chiLd (47,700 points)
good job! That’s a really good plot!

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