11/13/2020
Dear Nora,
I stumbled on to your post while searching for fun and interesting sites my 10 year old daughter could check out during her breaks from "at home" school work. Since she's approximately the same age, I decided to read your post out of curiosity. Knowing what concerns a 9 or 10 year old is important for Moms to know.
Anyway, I thought it would be benefit to you or other young girls to hear from a Mom other than your own Mom. You should understand that advice given to you from any Mom usually comes from mistakes made and lessons that they have had learned themselves from the experiences in their own lives. Know that Moms are always giving the advice in order to protect you from harm and making poor life decisions.
In your tweens and upper teen years, the decisions that you make could decide the direction your life takes. For example, if you someday might like to be a famous singer, dancer, musician or other type of performer then starting practice of it when your ten (or sooner) will give you a greater chance of success when you become an adult. When your an adult on your own, showing the world who you are. You might hear when watching a famous actress or singer being interviewed on TV say, "I started dancing when I was 10!"
If you do some research online and find the biography of any of your favorite famous female celebrities, more often you will learn that most of them did NOT have children until after they became successful. Meaning...NOT while they were in their teens or twenties. Those are the years they were dedicating their time to improving themselves with education and/or training in the area they desire to gain success.
You will never see a woman being interviewed on TV for being a Mother. Mom's, unfortunately do not get the recognition and appreciation they deserve. I know this personally.
You probably think that having a baby is terrific. However, the commitment of taking care of a human... FOREVER is life altering experience. It creates limitations.
You should be aware (at 10 years old) that once you becomes a Parent that YOUR own life, the dreams and other things YOU want become second on the list of priorities. They sometimes even disappear. As a parent you must make decisions that support the needs of your new child. When your child is young they require your attention and care all the time. You can not rely on ANY one else to assist you. Sure, you may have some help from Grandma, Grandpa, the baby's Father or a friend BUT, if none of them are around, it's ONLY YOU to care for this human being. EVERY choice you make effects that child's life and having the child will limit what you can do, where you live, what job you can get and if you can get an education.
If you have any interest in gaining success in your life as a Restaurant owner, an Actor, a Dancer, a Singer, a Doctor, a Lawyer, a Scientist, or anything other than Mother then you should ignore having a "boyfriend" and instead just be a friend. Holding hands, kissing and other touching eventually leads to making babies later in the relationship.
A lot of women want only to be a Mother and there isn't anything wrong with that. However, many of them were never given the opportunities when they were young to be anything else but a Mother. Sure they love being a Mom, as do I. But, if they had a choice most women would say that they like to have become a Fashion Designer, a Dancer, or own a Bakery before becoming a Mom. They wished they had first pursued their dreams.
Women who became Moms before trying to do anything else never get to see their full potential met. If, when 10 years old, they continued to developed their natural talents, creative skills or build their mind intellectually they might have become the Supreme Ballerina, a famous Singer, a Nobel Prize Winning Scientist, a Federal Supreme Court Judge or even the President. If girls (and boys) do not focus on getting the best education and developing their natural talents then our world might not find the cure for cancer or disease, or the invention of a clean burning source of power, have a new way to travel (flying cars?) or discover other magnificent ideas which improve our world in a harmonious way. EVERY person must try. Give the world a chance to find out what you have to offer it.
In the United States, an education is free to you. Even the cost of some college is free. In the U.S.A. a girl has freedom to choose. YOU will become a woman and will have a choice to live your life ANY way YOU desire. Don't allow any one PUSH you in to a direction that doesn't make your heart sing. Give yourself time to find your own purpose.
Yes, I know babies are soooo adorable, and fun and huggable! BUT, being the full-time owner of a baby is NOT easy. If you have the desire to be around babies then be a baby-sitter, or do part-time help at a Child Day Care. Give yourself a chance to TRY OUT being a Mom before actually becoming one.
Personally, I waited to have a child much later in life. I was 40 years old. But I do NOT regret waiting. When I was in my twenties, I took my time to figure I wanted to do for a job by taking a lot of fun interesting class at the local Junior College. Then I focused on one career, earned a 2-yr degree, then pursued jobs in that industry. I had my own money and freedom to travel, go to parties, and do whatever I wanted, ANY time I wanted and it was amazing. In my thirties I changed my career path to pursue art and teaching. Once I had things set up, doing what my heart desires, working for myself as an Artist and planted my feet in a small city I love, Then, I decided to have a baby. It may have taken me longer than most other women but, now I have many life experiences that I can pass on to her.
So unless you have a terrific supportive family or a loyal supportive Father (of your child) then, I strongly suggest you WAIT until your late 20's or early 30's.
Whenever making a life-changing decision, please be certain that you TRY OUT that something before committing to it. And, the decision should be YOUR IDEA, YOUR DESIRE, something YOU want. NOT be an idea or desire of someone else pushing on to you. I don't care if it's your Mother, your Father, or your best friend, YOU should make the choices that effect your life. I might take you 10 years to find what makes your heart sing but, give yourself plenty of time to decide. Don't let anyone rush you. While you are a tween, just practice hard at whatever it is you're already good at or try on many different things to explore your choices. And remember, it's never too late to learn something new, go to college, or start your own business even if you do first become a Mom. There is plenty of time to become a Mom, I suggest first explore who you are and who you might become! Here is a link to a list of videos of very inspirational women.
https://www.ted.com/talks?sort=newest&topics%5B%5D=women
Sincerely,
~ DayLightFullDay
A loving Mom (of a 10 yr old girl)
