KidzTalk - Recent questions tagged jokes

Jokes!

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 12:12:43 +0000

I got into the elevator on the first floor and pressed 5. The doors closed and the elevator went up to floor 4, then down a floor to 3, then 2, before it finally went back up and stopped on the 5th floor. Confused, I walked out and it was only then that I noticed the sign on the door:

“Elevator out of order.”

Emmanuel Macron has signed an executive order to rename the US with a more fitting name

Coup d'Etats Unis

A librarian asks the new intern to dispose of books that are in a bad condition.

Later in the day he asks the intern about the books he threw away. The intern lists them, mostly pulp novels and old magazines. “Oh, and”, the intern says “there was a tattered old Bible by some guy called Gutenberg.”

The librarian can’t believe it. “Jesus Christ!”, he says, shocked, “You just threw away the first published Bible! Do you know how valuable that was?”

“Nah, couldn’t have been valuable,” says the nonchalant intern, “some dude called Martin Luther had scribbled all over the margins.”

What do cops say when a suspect pulls the dart out after being tranquilized?

Stop resisting a rest!

So a philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at Starbucks.

The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"

They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And mathematics is just applied philosophy!"

The laughter roars even louder, and then the physicist turns to the philosopher.

"Shut the up and make my coffee."

A shark is solving a crossword puzzle

The question is: Predatory fish with 5 letters. He thanks for a while but can’t think a of a Word. Then, a barracuda swims along and the shark asks him „Hey Barracuda, what do you Call a predatory fish with 5 letters?“ The Barracuda doesn’t even stop swimming and replies „Think about yourself, dumby!“ The Shark then endlightened says „Of Course, Me! Bryan!“

"Our computer systems have been compromised!"

"Is it a DDOS attack?"

"Worse! They've reformatted our operating systems to 1981 standard!

It's an MS-DOS attack!"

Freddie Mercury, Venus Williams, and Bruno Mars walk into a bar

Walks into a bar

They didn't planet that way

Everyone Knows Dave

Long

“Everyone Knows Dave”

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
"Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in!"

Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"Pope Francis," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the heck is that on the balcony with Dave?'

I failed out of magic school because I kept overthinking the test.

I assumed the test was just a series of trick questions.

Hope you laughed,btw these are off of reddit!

POV: Dad jokes

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 05:38:16 +0000

My dad said this joke to me:

"I heard Hawaii banned loud laughing." My Dad "Oh, that's kinda dumb." me "Ya, they said that you can only have A-lo-ha" My dad

I just about crashed out after that.

Fun facts

Thu, 11 May 2023 16:56:33 +0000

Did u know some people couldn't lick their elbow?? lol I can't too!

Shrimp has their heard in their heads! OMg

Meme

Thu, 19 Jan 2023 00:06:49 +0000

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye Matey!!!! Lol

What Exactly are Death Eaters ?

Wed, 20 Apr 2022 02:55:52 +0000

I know they are bad , but I don't understand them ?

Three men are arrested and sentenced to death by firing squad, one by one.

Fri, 21 Aug 2020 00:31:55 +0000

While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan. Right before they are to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers and they would be able to escape.

The first man hears the captain counting down to 0, he yells “TORNADO!” As the soldiers duck for cover, he scales the wall of the prison and escapes to freedom.

The second man hears the captain counting down to 0, he yells “EARTHQUAKE!” As the soldiers duck for cover, he scales the wall of the prison and escapes to freedom.

The last man hears the captain counting down to 0, he yells “FIRE!”

fun jokes

Wed, 03 Jun 2020 13:49:57 +0000

What travels the world but stays in the corner?

Jokes

Fri, 24 Apr 2020 08:36:25 +0000

why did tiger have his head down the toilet? because he was looking for pooh!!!!!!!

why does Dracula have no friends? because he's a pain in the neck!!!

Knock Knock, whos there? smell mop, smell mop who? um no thanks!

why's the grave yard so popular? people are dying to get in there!

I hope you liked these jokes! comment below if you'd like more!

weeeee

Mon, 09 Mar 2020 13:22:24 +0000

do you think memes are cool I think that there awsome who agress

Lgbtq tiktok jokes

Sat, 23 Nov 2019 21:04:22 +0000

Do you ever looks at someone and think "oh they're cute" and wonder if anyone thinks you are cute like you think that person is cute, and then you look in the mirror and go "Nope".

Me realizing you have to actually talk to a girl to get a girlfriend-

Dang it.

LGBT+ Tik Tok jokes

Mon, 04 Nov 2019 20:20:11 +0000

"Trump said you can fire someone for being gay. Well employer, you can fire me for being gay but you can't stop me from slashing your tires."

*sees a lesbian girl from behind* Music: Turn around *it's a guy with long hair* Music: Turn back around

(Audio in quotes, captions not) Me trying to stay in the closet "One of you will betray me tonight" Me defending the LGBTQ+ community from homophobes "Is it me, Jesus?" "No, it's not you" Me buying rainbow clothing "Is it me, Jesus?" "No, it isn't you either" Me accidently outing myself with gay jokes "Is it me Jesus?" "*mockingly* Is it me Jesus?"

Dad- Are you going to the prom?

Girl- Yeah

Dad- Oh, you have a date?

Girl- I am going with Jess

Dad- Why are you going with a friend, you are supposed to go with a boy.

Music- And then I came out.

Person- So your Bi?

Bi person- Yeah, but I have never been out with a girl before

Person- Isn't your ex trans?

Bi person- Yeah, he is

Person- Well if he was born a girl isn't he a girl then?

Bi person- I don't answer stupid questions.

People purposely calling me a girl even though I am trans-

Me- When I was a young boy, I was a young boy and I was a boy, I was and am a boy.

Person- But like, what's your gender?

Agender person- Oh I was never born with one. Can you believe I lost it? So my sister broke mine and my mom never got me a new one. The hospital was running out. You know, I always wanted one but they are just so expensive. I always said I was gonna get one but they were always sold out at the store. You know, I read it was better for the environment if you didn't have one. This is embarrassing but I'm actually gender intolerant. And last but not least, why do you care?

Poppy is making dumb blonde jokes!

Sat, 08 Jul 2017 17:49:14 +0000

A user called Poppy is making dumb blonde jokes!

You can read the jokes here:

https://www.kidzsearch.com/questions/687/who-has-a-funny-joke

Dumb blonde jokes are jokes that use the dumb blonde stereotype. Dumb blonde is the idea that all female platinum blondes are dumb. This stereotype is used often and is very offensive to female platinum blondes.

I am not a platinum blonde. But my point still stands!

Please fix the problem, KS.

New Jokes and Riddles Section

Sun, 05 Jul 2015 17:59:51 +0000

We created a new Q&A category here called Jokes and Riddles. As the name suggests, it is the place to post fun jokes and riddles for kids. As you all know, this forum is moderated and used by many schools, so only submit clean safe ones or they will get rejected. Look forward to hearing some good ones!

KidzSearch.com