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Hello this is Nana
its been a while since I have ever really admitted to doing stuff I'm not proud of but I feel like now its much worse and especially I know how some people might say its just a teen phase, to just get over it, ect well...no? I get it as a teen, hormones are whatever they are mainly chaotic but genuinely its not that for me. Yes people have it worse than me and I do respect them and have hope they get the help that is needed and hopefully they don't end up gone yk?? Back on topic, lately I have been like I guess in a worse mental state than before I'm constantly thinking of being gone and asking myself if I really failed everybody? this might sound corny but genuinely this is how I feel and I cant explain it to people irl like family or school staff, I feel uncomfortable with them because 1.) I hate talking 2.) I would most likely cry 3.) I would run away 4.) I don't trust them
You might ask why I don't trust my family but if you know me irl then...you get it hopefully? but for the tiny things is that like they make big scenes or my mom tells my other family members and its just a whole mess, so this is why I write it on KT because all of you make me feel like I can open up. I might not know you people except Twinkie but still the people who responded to my things before or seen me since my day 1, you make me feel safe and cared for. It's hard to explain that I haven't really felt like this since my sister's ex bff left us bc she was two faced and talked about my sister behind her back but she was really the only one whom made me feel comforted because she treated me like I mattered. Everything is so hard I cant handle it anymore I'm scared that I might end up cutting myself again, starving myself, or make another attempt, I hate to say that because leaving you would genuinely break my heart. I have no more motivation to keep going I feel that I'm the biggest failuer bc you mean I'm overweight and no matter how hard I try I could never be good enough. I cant do this anymore and I barely talk with my family since I'm on my phone always listening to music, texting friends, making KT post, scrolling, or anything but just communicating with them. I have a hard time trying to talk with others y sisters call me weird for being so awkward but its not my fault I got stuff thrown at me and I gotten bullied? Mind you somebody was gonna throw a rock at me in 4th grade and I got pushed in 1st when I was new to the school. Honestly I'm trying for everyone yet school is draining me and everything in my life feels horrible but I always feel like I have the best life yet I'm so unhappy all the time..why is that I cant be good, smart, funny, pretty, or even thin enough? I'm gonna end this here since it will be annoying to read everything
Nana out
