Rockstar had left. He had walked away from the chaos, from the madness, from BeepawStar’s moon-obsessed cult of weirdos.
Or so he thought.
Unfortunately for him, GroundClan never lets anyone escape.
Rockstar had been walking for hours. Maybe even days. He didn’t know. He didn’t care. He just needed to get away.
Away from the painted purple trees.
Away from the elders chanting incomprehensible nonsense.
Away from BeepawStar screaming at the real moon like it owed him money.
He took a deep breath. The air was fresh. Quiet. Peaceful.
Then—
"HEY ROCKRAR THE COMPLAINER!"
Rockstar’s soul left his body.
He turned around so slowly that it could be considered a crime against time itself.
There, standing right behind him, was Muffinpaw.
And behind Muffinpaw?
The entire GroundClan Moon Retrieval Squad.
They were all painted purple.
All of them.
"...I hate it here," Rockstar whispered.
They dragged him back to camp. He didn't resist. What was the point? There was no escape.
The moment they arrived, BeepawStar ran up and shoved the "moon" into his paws.
Rockstar stared at it.
"Why," he croaked.
"The Moon has chosen you," BeepawStar said dramatically. "You are now the Moon Guardian."
Rockstar wanted to throw up.
"BeepawStar, I do not want this title," he said, voice dangerously even.
BeepawStar ignored him completely. "THE MOON HAS SPOKEN! ROCKRAR THE COMPLAINER IS NOW IT’S CHOSEN WARRIOR!"
"MY NAME IS ROCKSTAR!"
The Clan cheered.
Somewhere in the background, a cat spontaneously combusted.
No one reacted.
Rockstar stared at the rock in his paws.
The not-moon.
The rock that had somehow taken over his entire life.
He took a deep breath. He needed to handle this rationally.
So he did the only rational thing.
He threw the rock as hard as he could.
It soared through the air.
It flew.
It went higher and higher—
And then it got stuck in a tree.
Silence.
GroundClan stared.
BeepawStar’s eyes widened in horror.
"...The moon," Muffinpaw whispered.
"...Is in a tree," Rainbowpaw finished.
"YOU HAVE OFFENDED THE MOON, ROCKRAR THE COMPLAINER!" BeepawStar wailed.
Rockstar’s entire body twitched violently.
"My. Name. Is. Rockstar," he hissed.
But BeepawStar wasn’t listening. No one was.
The Clan had descended into madness.
Apprentices were running in circles.
The elders were screaming in terror.
Fireflame had fainted dramatically.
"THE MOON WILL CURSE US!" Tuxpaw shrieked.
"THE GROUND WILL REJECT US!" Muffinpaw howled.
"THE SKY WILL OPEN UP AND SWALLOW US WHOLE!" Fireflame sobbed.
Rockstar looked at all of them.
Then up at the completely normal rock sitting peacefully in a tree.
Then back at the Clan.
And he made a choice.
A choice he would not regret.
He took one deep breath—
Then screamed at the top of his lungs:
"YOU’RE ALL INSANE!!!"
And then he ran.
He ran as fast as he could, as far as he could, deep into the forest, away from the moonic lunatics he called his Clanmates.
He didn’t look back.
Not even once.
Back at camp, BeepawStar stared at the moon-in-a-tree.
A wicked grin spread across his face.
"He thinks he can escape his destiny," he murmured.
Muffinpaw gasped. "What does this mean, BeepawStar?"
BeepawStar turned, eyes gleaming.
"It means, my dear Muffinpaw…"
He took a deep, dramatic breath.
"RockrAr the Complainer was meant to be the Moon King all along."
GroundClan gasped in unison.
Somewhere in the distance, Rockstar tripped and fell flat on his face.
And far, far above them all—
The real moon shone down, watching.
It was very, very amused.
Rockstar thought he had escaped.
He had run for hours. Maybe days. He had climbed trees, crossed rivers, hid in bushes, even tried disguising himself as a pile of leaves.
But GroundClan?
They never stop.
They had painted themselves with mud and moss, blending into the shadows like nightmarish cryptids. They moved in absolute silence, eyes glowing in the dark.
And then, just when Rockstar thought he was finally safe—
BeepawStar dropped from a tree directly on top of him.
"WE FOUND YOU, MOON KING!"
Rockstar screamed.
They dragged him back.
He kicked. He clawed. He screamed.
It didn’t matter.
The second they got back to camp, GroundClan exploded into celebration.
"ALL HAIL ROCKRAR THE COMPLAINER, MOON KING!" BeepawStar bellowed.
"MY NAME IS ROCKSTAR!!!"
They shoved him onto The Large Rock.
Muffinpaw ran forward, holding up a crown made of twigs, leaves, and questionable substances. They shoved it onto Rockstar’s head before he could react.
"It is done," Muffinpaw whispered.
The Clan erupted into horrifying, bone-chilling chanting.
"MOON KING. MOON KING. MOON KING."
Rockstar sat there.
Frozen.
His eye twitched.
He took slow, measured breaths.
Then, finally—
"I am going to commit so many war crimes."
Rockstar had had enough.
He stood up, dramatically ripping off his leaf-and-mud crown.
GroundClan gasped.
"HE REJECTS HIS DESTINY!" Tuxpaw shrieked.
BeepawStar fainted on the spot.
Rockstar ignored all of them.
"Listen to me, you absolute feral disasters," he said, voice dangerously even.
Everyone froze.
Rockstar slowly pointed a paw at the tree where the "moon" was still stuck.
"That. Is not the moon."
Silence.
"That is a rock."
More silence.
"I have had enough of this nonsense. I am NOT your Moon King. I am NOT RockrAr the Complainer. And we are NOT going to steal the real moon!"
A single horrified gasp broke the silence.
Then another.
And another.
Soon the entire Clan was shrieking in terror.
"MOON HERESY!" Muffinpaw wailed.
"MOON BLASPHEMY!" Rainbowpaw sobbed.
"THE SKY WILL COLLAPSE UPON US!" Fireflame declared dramatically before fainting.
BeepawStar suddenly regained consciousness and launched himself at Rockstar.
"You DARE betray the MOON?!"
Rockstar dodged.
BeepawStar crashed face-first into the dirt.
He stood up, spitting out grass.
"If you refuse your title, then you must prove yourself in—" BeepawStar took a deep, dramatic breath, "—Trial by Moonlight."
The entire Clan gasped in unison.
Rockstar blinked. "The what now?"
