Question

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Hey guys. I am an active user but I just logged out as to not worry anyone, so I'm not gonna type using my actual personality. KT, please approve of this, because I have no one else to talk to without fear of them telling my parents.

I've been struggling a lot lately and I have to get it off my chest because I don't have a therapist yet (I'm going to get one soon but I'm scared)

Anyways vent time 

 I'm not good at school, the only talent I have is drawing + mediocre writing skills. I am not grateful enough, I can't focus, I can't control my tone/emotions, and I'm constantly getting in trouble and getting my phone taken. I think that all I am is a waste of time, money and space.

I always feel too loud, too annoying, too excitable, too cringey. My whole existance feels just so embarassing.

 I hardly have any friends, and the ones that I do have seem to not care about me the way I care about them. I'm always texting first. I'm always making plans. Plans that they ignore, or agree to without actually intending to follow through with. My closest friends, the only friends who actually put effort into our friendships don't even live in my city anymore.

I love my family but I don't think they really understand. I don't have any privacy, not even my own room even though we have space for me to live in, and my room is a huge mess that I have 0 motivation to clean up. The only reason why I haven't Sayori'd is because I don't want my family to blame themselves. I know they care about me and love me, but I just can't take it anymore. I cry almost everyday, I hardly sleep, and I hardly see anyone outside of family. 

I honestly don't think I'm going to make it to 18. Anytime someone talks about my future, I just feel this pit in my stomach, because I know I'm not ever, ever, ever, going to amount to anything.

 The thoughts and ideas have been getting worse. I even started hurting myself. It's feels like the only worthy punishment for being a child that my parents don't deserve. Part of me hopes someone will see them, someone will actually take me seriously, and I'll feel better. But some twisted part of me doesn't want to feel better. Some part of me takes comfort in this sadness. I thought I was getting better. But it's just a cycle of better, then worse, rock bottom to happy again. Everyday feels like the last. Over and over and over and over. I just feel so alone.

I'm scared to get a therapist, because what if I accidentally tell the entire truth and I'm sent to grippy sock land?

I doubt anyone is gonna read this whole thing, and I am so sorry that I am probably coming off as whiny and self centered. I just need to tell someone.

Answer 1

If it helps at all, this sounds *very* similar to what I'm going through too. And a similar way of thinking.

I don't think you should say you aren't gonna amount to anything. Being an adult is very different than what it's like when you are a teenager, you can get a job, go wherever you want, and you don't have to live with your family. 

I know it sounds corny, but things do change :<

And it's hard, but please try not to hurt yourself. You actually don't deserve to be punished, and the reason you are punishing youself is not even true! Think about it, if someone else you knew, was struggling in a similar way, would you hurt them for it? obviously not, so please try to be kind to yourself, wherever you can, because you don't deserve to be hurt. 

You don't come off as whiny, everybody needs support and to talk to someone sometimes. Especially when you are going through stuff, it's not self centered at all.

Also, you don't have to tell a therapist everything, you can just tell them what you are comfortable saying. (Plus, I don't think they send you unless you are actively at a serious risk of hurting yourself badly)

Answer 2

I read the whole thing....why wouldn't I?

I know it feels that way

but bro. you are not a failure at all, or a waste of time. u actually seem like a pretty good person.

I care about you and just cuz u messed up a few times in school doesn't make you a complete bleep up, everyone does that.

i'm here for you and you can get through this. you are stronger than you know, and I'll do anything I can to help you.

they won't send u to 'grippy socks land' or anything, seriously I would reccomend getting help ASAP for ur own safety, they'll help u. it will get better I promise.

just pm me as soon as u read this, I wont say who u r to anyone, and u can respond 2 this there so u stay anonymous, ok?

Comments

Thank you so much for reading the entire thing. Seriously, I truly appreciate being heard. This cheered me up a lot :)

It really helps knowing that I'm not alone even if it feels that way. Again, tysm for being here for me <3

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of course. I'm glad I was able to help.

youll never be alone (not in a creepy "I'm watching u" sorta way lol), you've got me and the other KT users to help u. you can get through this and I'm sending good vibes <3

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I read the whole thing

I have been struggling thru SH and mental health issues, and personally don’t feel comfortable with therapy

Thoughts of killing urself and SH are serious, but what can you do

onto the point

You are not alone

I found my best friend this year, and I feel so much better, being able to talk to someone

I believe that with therapy, u will get better

If you feel like the therapist is pushing too hard, find another one

So many people have this struggle, and you are not alone.

You can get thru this

I have hopes

So keep ur head up

Look for the good things

You will find someone to talk to

You are not alone in ur struggles