Drafted Chapter 2

Question

My name is Amanda and me and my family are moving to a big city one the biggest cities I've ever been to. I'm 16 years old and my brother is 18 but we get along perfectly it's very rare that we ever fight unless resealing counts. I am I little short for my age but I am very tuff but not as tuff as my brother of course. It took almost 5 hours to get to the city and me and my brother were talking the whole time and I enjoyed it and I think he did too. Finely we got to the house and from the looks of it it seemed like no one has lived in it in years. " This place looks beat up", Marco observed " I no right " I added. The smell of garbage was very strong and the overgrown weeds were every were. " Well lets go look inside shell we" dad said in a scared but come tone.

Sorry but my battery was dying so couldn't write more but I will soon.

Answer 1

Awesome! Just make sure to insert commas and correct spelling and grammar. 
And I didn't really get this part:
Finely we got to the house and from the looks of it it seemed like no one has lived in it in years. " This place looks beat up", Marco complimented " I no right " I added. The smell of garbage was very strong and the overgrown weeds were every were. " Well lets go look inside shell we" dad said in a scared but come tone. 
Compliment means to congratulate someone. But you, as the author, wrote the scene as if it was bad and yucky. Did you really mean for Marco to "compliment" the building? Or how about this:
. " This place looks beat up", Marco observed " 
You just need to find the right words for the tone, or else it won't really make sense.
But the plot is really good! Very realistic and love how you ended off! 
Keep writing! :)

Comments

I'm sorry I'm sill trying to teach my sister.