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Eleven and nonbinary please help

+2 votes
36 views
asked Nov 12, 2020 in Ask Arkzo by anonymous
I already made a post about this but im really struggling so I thought I'd make another on another column to see. If you by chance.saw.my last post.you would.know that I know who I am but am too young for people.to take my identity seriously. My friend.is lesbian so she seems most likely to be supportive so I will try to come out to her tomorrow if possible. People misgender me every day but it's really not their fault as I haven't came out to anyone except anonymously on the internet like I am right now. I have to use my dead name when working on assignments at school which really hurts and my hand hovers over the paper every time. I drew a nonbinary pride flag and hid it in my room. Walking into public bathrooms is.... Well honestly it's habit but it hurts if I over think it. I don't often avoid it though since its a place where I can process my thoughts and scenarios if-- WHEN I come out. I know gender identity quizzes aren't that accurate but I've taken a bunch of them..the answers.vary quite a lot but they all agree on one thing; I'm not cis. I DO know I am non binary only when it's an umbrella term. Otherwise I could be bigender, agender, demigender or quite a bit more. I thought I was maybe genderfluid but after reading a first person fiction about it, (symptoms of being human. Great book but includes slurs that may be triggering so quick warning there.) Sorry this became such a long rant but I need help. Not transphobic "help" but genuine help finding a label, dealing with dyphoria, finding confidence, coming out and answers to my questions. I %100 understand if you can't give advice on all of it but please help where you can.  here are my questions: I get this feeling when I don't know who I am or am misgendered and it feels like my heart hits the bottom of my stomach.Is that gender dysphoria? One of my friends jokingly uses gay as an insult. They don't mean harm But how can I correct them without them taking it the wrong way? How can I come out? I really want shorter hair for my dysphoria but I'm scared of what others will think. What should I do?  what is the most causal way to tell your parents you need a therapist? Any dog whistle items for members of the lgbtqia community like something that is gay but to straight people it is nothing remarkable? My parents are threatening to it me on add medication because my focus is really bad but I've heard terrible things about the side effects. Will my gender ever become clear? WOAH that turned into a whole therapy session sorry about that. But please help answer the questions if possible. Sorry if I sound demanding. I should get some rest.....okay thanks have a good day/noght!


2 Answers

0 votes
answered Nov 12, 2020 by LunaLight (106,640 points)
Hello there, anonymous person. I'm Luna. I am lesbian and while I have not had issues with my gender, I do look into LGBTQ+ terms often and I have a friend who, I'm not sure what he identifies as now, but last I checked genderfluid. He was born female but prefers male pronouns and a male name now. I'll try to get him on here. But for the most part, everyone has called him by his preferred pronouns and name since he came out to everyone, the teachers, his friends, and students. However, his parents and sibling do misgender him however that's more of a different issue. At first, he started by only telling some close friends, which is how I came out as lesbian and that's what I recommend doing first. Then I'm not sure what he did next, family or school, but personally, my school knows I'm lesbian since I've come out, and nothing has really changed. I advise telling an adult that you trust as well, whether it be a teacher or a parent or something along the lines. If you don't want to talk to your parents about a therapist yet, try a school counselor. Personally, with the adult thing, my guidance counselor knows I'm lesbian and she treats it indifferently. I have also told my math teacher because she is more laid back and cool with it my friend has told her as well. Coming out online, however, is a good idea, like you are now. This website was the first place I came out, you can still find the post, it's titled "My secret..." or something along the lines. However, when I did it I used my account, or an alternate one, I'm not sure, but it wasn't anonymous. Do know, no one here will ever be homophobic or transphobic, everyone is quite friendly here and was supportive when I came out. Some did not quite support it, but they rather accepted it and they were fine with it. As for the labeling, there is nothing wrong with umbrella terms or being gender-questioning. If it bothers you to be an umbrella term then I can only recommend self-reflection and looking up gender terms. I don't recommend quizzes like BuzzFeed quizzes considering some of those say I'm bi or straight and just no. (Ew actually.) Some quizzes, however, that are found on psychological websites may be more helpful. Either way, trust your gut more. If you want to talk to me again, I have my own advice column called "Ask Luna, Anything!", I'm on KidzNet as lunamoonlight, and there is also an LGBTQIA+ Club category here.
0 votes
answered Nov 12, 2020 by Lemony The Bean (118,230 points)

I’m always here if you need anything! What you’re describing does sound like dysphoria. Like i said in my previous answer, I am cis, but I struggle with dysmorphia, so that is from what i’ve heard similar, although not the same. Sometimes U feel like my body isn’t my own, so that pit in my stomach is familiar. If your friend continues to jokingly use “gay” maybe tell them inconspiciously that it isn’t nice to use something like that as an insult. If you want shorter hair, by all means do it! In 4th grade at my school, literally all the girls had boy-short hair. BY NO MEANS THERE DID I IMPLY YOUR GENDER I JUST MEANT ITS OKAY AND ITS COOLIO. I wouldn’t worry about your specific gender identity, for the same reason that I don’t even know my sexuality cause I’ve only ever had one sort-of crush. Don’t pressure yourself into picking one thing and sticking to it. As for the meds for focus, there is a chance I might need those too, but I can speak for the side effects because my best friend who’s basically my sister has been on them since we were little, the effects vary from med to med but some of the more prominent ones were no appetite, headaches, inability to sleep, and on one which they promptly stopped it changed her personality. Don’t be scared though, the journey may be long but there are wonderful doctors who can help you find the one you need. Maybe about people misgendering you, I’ve seen on Etsy if you are out to your parents there are little buttons you can buy that say “they/them” on them, some of them are really pretty! As for asking your parents for therapy, you don’t even have to tell them it’s about your gender! You can just say “hey mom/dad, I’ve been feeling a little off lately and thinking maybe I could use some help from a therapist?” Hope this helps, anything you need just ask!

Wishing the best, Lemony rainbow

commented Nov 12, 2020 by Hi/anonymous
Thank you! This is me from the past comment I finally found it (yay) I actually have asked my parents about therapy a few times before and they don't have that much of a problem with it but keep forgetting about it about the medication my mom said she doesn't want to at all really. Thanks again for helping!

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